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 loz fanfic- in progress

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kiki.i

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Female Posts : 78

PostSubject: loz fanfic- in progress   Tue Apr 20, 2010 12:47 am

please note that this is just to brush up on my writing skills... i am actually continuing this fanfic, but again, this is just an excersise, lol. ^^;

... and although i'm pretty sure that blocks of text aren't preffered, i'm not too sure how else to do this, so i'll just copy/paste up until the first pagebreak... >_> (which is, by the way, less then a page long. in case this looks a lot longer. which i wouldn't be suprised by... >_> )


The bedroom was dark. At the far end of the room, a bed sat against the wall, and a small oil lamp stand next to it. Link lay in bed, awake and breathing softly. The door creaked open, and soft footsteps walked closer to Link. The owner of the footsteps raised a small knife over Link’s body.
Link threw the blankets off, blinding the other Sheikah. He grabbed a long needle from under his pillow, and lunged at his female attacker. The needle and knife sparked at contact, and the woman jumped away to a safer distance. Link threw the needle at her; she fell backwards and swept his feet from the floor. Now it was Link’s turn to fall onto his back. He hit the ground with a thud, and the next moment, he realized her knife was at his throat.
“Good morning, Link. Looks like we’ll need to work on agility today, huh?” Rensafi smiled as she got up.
“G’morning, Aunt Safi,” he grunted as he supported himself onto his elbows, and then to his feet. “Do we have to work on agility today?” he complained as he pulled on a white long-sleeved shirt and covered his bed-head with a windsock-like hat.
“Don’t worry, I’m not having you do timed runs today. We’re doing something different,” she replied as she walked into the living room that held a small oven in the corner. Link followed.
“Really? What are we doing today, then? And is that salted beef I smell?”
“No, not beef. You <i>know</i> how expensive it is. But we do have pork, pork bones, lentils, and leek in the soup pot today.”
Link frowned a little. “Do you need to put bones into every soup you make?” he mumbled as he plopped into one of the chairs that sat at the table. Safi placed a bowl of soup in front of him along with a small loaf of bread, and then proceeded to hit Link over the head with the soup ladle.
“It’s very healthy for you. Now eat, we still need to put meat on those bones for the festival this month,” she ordered.
“Sir, yes sir,” he muttered. Safi brought the soup ladle over his head once more.
~~~~~

... yeah. >_> again, just to brush up on writing. what do you guys think? (if you do comment, please comment on writing style, etc, and not that "omg, it's a fanfic"... please... ^^; )
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ShinyPuffy

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PostSubject: Re: loz fanfic- in progress   Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:14 pm

Too short.

Otherwise, there isn't much to improve. You could add a title and whatnot, but grammar, structure, and writing is fine.
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kiki.i

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PostSubject: Re: loz fanfic- in progress   Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:40 pm

well, again, this is to the first pagebreak. i didn't want to wall-of-text people. What do you think about the style, then? b/c people can write with good grammar and stuff, but be horrid writers. :-P

should i continue putting up the drafts here? or would that be too much...?
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Caruso

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PostSubject: Re: loz fanfic- in progress   Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:42 pm

Will there be hawt sweaty buttsecks like in most fanfic?
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kiki.i

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PostSubject: Re: loz fanfic- in progress   Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:49 pm

>_> no, sorry D: i don't think i can fit that in any time soon... specially since the main character's a complete idiot when it comes to many social situations <_<
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Caruso

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PostSubject: Re: loz fanfic- in progress   Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:52 pm

Doesn't mean it can't happen. Cannot take that chance

YAOI SHIELDS UP
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kiki.i

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PostSubject: Re: loz fanfic- in progress   Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:57 pm

... >_> i'm not into yaoi, nor do i really wish to write any "hawt sweaty buttsecks" any time soon...
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ShinyPuffy

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PostSubject: Re: loz fanfic- in progress   Tue Apr 20, 2010 6:48 pm

LinkxZelda

I can feel it already... >_>
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kiki.i

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PostSubject: Re: loz fanfic- in progress   Wed Apr 21, 2010 2:45 am

:rolls eyes: no duh zelink. what did you think i was having? shiekXdeku nut?

meh, whatever romance there will be is going to suck. will need to ask a female friend what a date's like >_> or whatever lovey dovey stuff goes on in a relationship... >_> <_<
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